Man, I'm pretty sure nobody could set that up perfectly so it's fine.
Then yeah if you square that all away and you both know you're committed to not being a dick to the other I don't see why it couldn't ultimately work. Laura doesn't seem like an asshole to me from what I've seen tangentially and even though you are I think you reserve that for just some of us. You get it in writing and you talk a lot and I think you know if you can trust and get along with her like that.
Well that's good at least - keeping that out of the mix will help. I'd definitely suggest talking with her about all of this. I know if I'd had the chance to be there for Ollie when her mother was pregnant with her and earlier I would've in a heartbeat, so it'd be nice if the two of you could come to terms on that one of you give a little for the other to be close and all. But yeah.... you've thought through a lot of it so I only have to halfass play devil's advocate over here.
The other big thing would be how you want this kid raised - make sure you don't have any big massive moral or whatever differences that way you don't have different views on how you'd shape your child.
No, she's not haha, she's pretty great. But yeah I'm pretty sure the fertility clinics won't do it without us signing a shitload of paperwork, including that sort of contract.
We have a ton more talking to do, for sure. We need to discuss parenting stances, living arrangements, custody stuff, personal boundaries and ground rules, and myriad other things but I just kind of wanted to get your read on how you thought it might be good or bad for the child involved. Everything else can be a discussion for sure, but I don't even want to go down that rabbit hole if it seems like we're being super fucking selfish and not considering how it might feel for a child to grow up with two parents who aren't together even though all their friends' parents are, and whose parents never WERE together, etc.
Consult your own lawyer too, both of you - make sure that everything on the legal side of things is clear and there won't be any surprises. Just to be safe, I'll give you the number to mine if you need.
That doesn't surprise me at all - I mean you're anal like me so of course you aren't just jumping at something with a ton more conversation, research, and preparation. I think if the two of you can get on the same page, over all of your bases with the legal side of things I don't see why you couldn't be perfectly suitable to raise a kid together. There are plenty of parents from our time that never should have been parents or stayed together but did and fucked their kids up and you and I both know it. There are plenty of single parents now, people going it alone, and plenty of other family makeups that didn't necessarily seem to exist when we were young.
I think if you and Laura give this kid love and communication and everything that's all that matters.
I'll find his number and send it to you later - he's one of the best around here.
It's easier for me to keep it simpler because I'm in a more objective position, honestly.
Any time, Eddie, seriously. And lets be real here, neither of you are stupid you're just afraid that getting what you wants makes you somehow selfish or inconsiderate and it'd take a lot to put either of you in that category.
I know, but still, I fucking appreciate the insight, man. You're awesome.
Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much exactly it except it's a little bit more nuanced. If I did it all by myself and just said fuck it and shelled out for an egg donor and a gestational carrier and took Laura out of the equation entirely (because I wouldn't dare use the egg from a werewolf and just...like hope that I could find a gestational carrier that was cool with that when I don't know shit about what that might mean for the carrier), then I might have a little less insecurity about whether I'm doing the right thing, but then again, maybe I would feel exactly the same way and you're completely right. Who fucking knows?
In any case, it's nice to have the extra insight from an outside party.
What exactly does being a werewolf mean for your kid? Also how did I not know this was a factor? Is it going to be dangerous for the child or you at all and will you even be able to do anything to help? Are you not worried about that element at all?
It means exactly what you think it means, man. The kid is more than likely going to also be a werewolf. That comes with pros and cons, though, the biggest and most important one being a pro: they'll always heal really fast and they'll never get sick.
I don't know how you didn't know...didn't you know Laura's a werewolf? She doesn't really keep that shit a secret, Stan. It'll be a little dangerous for me until the kid learns how to control it, but that's something Laura can and will handle. So I'm worried about it, but I'm also confident in Laura's judgment about how involved I can safely be with that sort of thing. I trust her to tell me when I need to let her do it, but eventually, the kid will be able to control it like she and Derek can and nobody will be the wiser. I just gotta let Laura do the bulk of the work getting the kid over that hump.
Is that why you want to do this with her above all else? Because it means your kid wont be able to get sick and will heal and it gives you a safety net, man? Because you know you don't need that, right? I'm sure you'd be anal as hell and get annoying every so often, but we all have our moments.
I haven't really talked to her much, truth be told - maybe in passing a few times - I think you forget how much of a hermit I was when I first came through the portal. Then I got Ollie and got pretty focused on doing the dad thing. I guess you really have thought this through, including the werewolf thing - and you really trust her. That's a good thing and I guess it makes sense and makes it easier to define an area that she' is sort of in charge of.
Not above all else. I was already thinking about it before she mentioned that part. That was an awesome bonus. What really drew me to the idea was the idea of having a coparenting partner. Plus it would be cheaper not having to figure out finances for an egg donor AND a gestational carrier. And, let's be honest, Laura's gorgeous. I could do worse as far as the second set of genes could go. I'd be a fucking moron to not at least consider the offer she put on the table.
...I do sometimes forget that, actually... Laura and I have been friends for a really long time. She's part of the Dead Folks Club with us. She's a really good person. If she were putting the offer on the table to you instead of me, for example, I'd wholeheartedly recommend you go for it.
I think I've kind of already made my decision and I'm just now realizing that I needed to talk it out.
I mean it is one hell of a bonus, I have a feeling it won't save you worry completely in the long run, but you know the kid will be healthy, most likely, which is something. I guess I get it, though, there's something reassuring about knowing that you're not going to do it alone and it's not the same when it's just having a support system. So I get it. I do.
Guess I need to get to know her a little bit better, but I think that you're right - you knew what you wanted all along, you just needed to talk it into the ground first to feel like you are okay to give yourself what you want.
Well, no, not completely. It'll help, for sure. But yeah. I mean, and Laura's been trying to figure out how she wants to go about having a child without a partner, too, so it's almost kind of like the stars aligned.
You should, you'd like her. She actually reminds me a little bit of you, but she also reminds me a lot more of Bev.
But yeah, you know how I am. A few years of therapy isn't going to completely undo a lifetime of being gaslit by the most important women in my life, so I'm going to doubt myself for a while on...everything, but especially on things related to bringing a completely new human being into the world and being responsible for him or her. So I appreciate you being a sounding board.
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10/27 text;
Then yeah if you square that all away and you both know you're committed to not being a dick to the other I don't see why it couldn't ultimately work. Laura doesn't seem like an asshole to me from what I've seen tangentially and even though you are I think you reserve that for just some of us. You get it in writing and you talk a lot and I think you know if you can trust and get along with her like that.
Well that's good at least - keeping that out of the mix will help. I'd definitely suggest talking with her about all of this. I know if I'd had the chance to be there for Ollie when her mother was pregnant with her and earlier I would've in a heartbeat, so it'd be nice if the two of you could come to terms on that one of you give a little for the other to be close and all. But yeah.... you've thought through a lot of it so I only have to halfass play devil's advocate over here.
The other big thing would be how you want this kid raised - make sure you don't have any big massive moral or whatever differences that way you don't have different views on how you'd shape your child.
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We have a ton more talking to do, for sure. We need to discuss parenting stances, living arrangements, custody stuff, personal boundaries and ground rules, and myriad other things but I just kind of wanted to get your read on how you thought it might be good or bad for the child involved. Everything else can be a discussion for sure, but I don't even want to go down that rabbit hole if it seems like we're being super fucking selfish and not considering how it might feel for a child to grow up with two parents who aren't together even though all their friends' parents are, and whose parents never WERE together, etc.
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That doesn't surprise me at all - I mean you're anal like me so of course you aren't just jumping at something with a ton more conversation, research, and preparation. I think if the two of you can get on the same page, over all of your bases with the legal side of things I don't see why you couldn't be perfectly suitable to raise a kid together. There are plenty of parents from our time that never should have been parents or stayed together but did and fucked their kids up and you and I both know it. There are plenty of single parents now, people going it alone, and plenty of other family makeups that didn't necessarily seem to exist when we were young.
I think if you and Laura give this kid love and communication and everything that's all that matters.
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...that is a wildly good point, actually.
Thanks, Stanley. I think I needed outside reassurance that we're not being fucking stupid about it.
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It's easier for me to keep it simpler because I'm in a more objective position, honestly.
Any time, Eddie, seriously. And lets be real here, neither of you are stupid you're just afraid that getting what you wants makes you somehow selfish or inconsiderate and it'd take a lot to put either of you in that category.
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I know, but still, I fucking appreciate the insight, man. You're awesome.
Yeah, I mean, that's pretty much exactly it except it's a little bit more nuanced. If I did it all by myself and just said fuck it and shelled out for an egg donor and a gestational carrier and took Laura out of the equation entirely (because I wouldn't dare use the egg from a werewolf and just...like hope that I could find a gestational carrier that was cool with that when I don't know shit about what that might mean for the carrier), then I might have a little less insecurity about whether I'm doing the right thing, but then again, maybe I would feel exactly the same way and you're completely right. Who fucking knows?
In any case, it's nice to have the extra insight from an outside party.
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What exactly does being a werewolf mean for your kid? Also how did I not know this was a factor? Is it going to be dangerous for the child or you at all and will you even be able to do anything to help? Are you not worried about that element at all?
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I don't know how you didn't know...didn't you know Laura's a werewolf? She doesn't really keep that shit a secret, Stan. It'll be a little dangerous for me until the kid learns how to control it, but that's something Laura can and will handle. So I'm worried about it, but I'm also confident in Laura's judgment about how involved I can safely be with that sort of thing. I trust her to tell me when I need to let her do it, but eventually, the kid will be able to control it like she and Derek can and nobody will be the wiser. I just gotta let Laura do the bulk of the work getting the kid over that hump.
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I haven't really talked to her much, truth be told - maybe in passing a few times - I think you forget how much of a hermit I was when I first came through the portal. Then I got Ollie and got pretty focused on doing the dad thing. I guess you really have thought this through, including the werewolf thing - and you really trust her. That's a good thing and I guess it makes sense and makes it easier to define an area that she' is sort of in charge of.
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...I do sometimes forget that, actually... Laura and I have been friends for a really long time. She's part of the Dead Folks Club with us. She's a really good person. If she were putting the offer on the table to you instead of me, for example, I'd wholeheartedly recommend you go for it.
I think I've kind of already made my decision and I'm just now realizing that I needed to talk it out.
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Guess I need to get to know her a little bit better, but I think that you're right - you knew what you wanted all along, you just needed to talk it into the ground first to feel like you are okay to give yourself what you want.
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You should, you'd like her. She actually reminds me a little bit of you, but she also reminds me a lot more of Bev.
But yeah, you know how I am. A few years of therapy isn't going to completely undo a lifetime of being gaslit by the most important women in my life, so I'm going to doubt myself for a while on...everything, but especially on things related to bringing a completely new human being into the world and being responsible for him or her. So I appreciate you being a sounding board.